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Resolutions…no one will keep.

December 29, 2010

I’m back on the resolutions kick, because I only have two days left to finalize my list. So in case you are still working yours… from The Knot, here are 5 New Year’s Resolutions no one should make…

“Stop watching trashy TV.”
What kind of a resolution is this? Okay, so maybe if you think of LC (yeah, we’re still calling her that) as your BFF and you feel like a lost sister to the Kardashian family (and write letters to the producers telling them so) you should dial it down. But come on, how awesome was it when Teresa flipped that table? And when Catelynn and Tyler got engaged? (By the way, if you understood those references, you don’t have a shot at keeping this resolution anyway.)

“Finally learn French.”
Not gonna happen.

“Make nice with my ex.”
This one’s a no-go for three reasons: 1) Just talking to your ex makes you want to vomit. 2) Telling your friends about this resolution will make them want to vomit. 3) Five years from now, telling the story of how you once made nice with your ex only to have him or her humiliate you in a crowded bar will make you want to vomit.

“Be more tolerant of family members.”
Okay, so your goal is admirable — but let’s reword, shall we? “This year I will be more tolerant of family members…unless they say or do something really really dumb or annoying.” That one’s keep-able.

“Stop cursing.”
F*** that.
We’re kidding. If you swear like a sailor, it’s probably a good idea to break out the old “curse jar.” Put in a dollar every time you say a curse word. Then, at the end of each month, give the dough to your spouse or sister. Better yet, give it to charity. That’ll make you feel okay about cursing.


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